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Posts Tagged ‘plain’

Yes!! That’s what I’m having for tea tonight, no, I’m not eating the popular rock band, Weezer (see video above!), but I thought I would make a Mexican style meal of pork and beans! I love Weezer, they’re a great band… y’know, I don’t really know where I’m going with this… I’m half watching The Simpsons, half eating nachos, with jalapeños and a lime and tequila salsa, whilst half writing this blog post,… although at this point, The Great British Menu is about to start, so now I will be half watching that. I don’t know if that puts me at 2 wholes, or 1 and a half. I did fail maths at school, though… at this point, I’m going to live blog… though.

Righto, that’s the liveblog done… now for some recipe goodness!!

Mexican Pork Shnitzel, with Pinto Bean Chilli

Ingredients :

For the pork shnitzel

  • Pork shoulder steaks
  • Stale bread, crust removed
  • Cumin seeds
  • Coriander seeds
  • Smoked sweet paprika
  • Dried chilli flakes
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Plain flour
  • Egg

For the Pinto Bean Chilli

  • 2 tins of Pinto beans
  • 1 large onion
  • Chopped tomatoes
  • Tomato puree
  • Fresh red chilli, chopped finely (seeds removed if you wish)
  • Pickled jalapeños, chopped
  • Chilli powder
  • Ground cumin
  • Smoked sweet paprika
  • Dried coriander
  • Zest and juice of one lime
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Method :

  1. The first thing which needs doing, is to bash out the pork steak so it is thinner (therefore cooks quicker!), do this by laying it between two sheets of cling film and give it a good whack with something heavy. Imagine it’s your enemy’s face.
  2. Leave the pork in a fridge, so that it remains firm.
  3. At this point, begin work on the pinto bean chilli. Finely chop an onion and gently fry in a pan.
  4. Once softened, add the cumin, paprika, and chilli powder and fry out the spices until the fumes catch the back of your throat.
  5. Add the red chilli and jalapeños to the onions and spices.
  6. Add some tomato puree, and mix thoroughly into a paste consistency
  7. Add the chopped tomatoes, and mix through.
  8. Then add the pinto beans, add salt and pepper, and leave to gently simmer.
  9. Blitz the bread in a magimix until it is breadcrumbs.
  10. Gently crush all the spices in a pestle and mortar, and mix through the breadcrumbs.
  11. Dust the steak with flour, and then into an egg wash, and then in the breadcrumbs, making sure it is well coated.
  12. Fry the shnitzel in a little vegetable oil until golden brown and cooked through (remember, pork should never be overcooked!!! it can be slightly translucent in the centre)
  13. Add the zest and juice of the lime to the chilli before serving.

Pork and Beans, Mexican style

Pork and Beans, Mexican style

Look, I even did that cheffy thing, where you cut it in half, and then lay one half on top of the other! Move over Heston!!

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It’s been a long day for me today… I woke up early this morning, felt ill. Went for a job interview in Kirkham, continued to feel ill. Had to spend an hour waiting for the bus to come home, feeling ill. Begin to cook food for tea tonight, whilst feeling ill.

Safe to say, today was not a day I wanted to cook. That’s the last thing I want to be doing today. I want to curl up in a ball and just nibble on pizza, or turkey dippers… or anything that is just a case of warming up in the oven. But no. The bus driver had to mug me of my remaining money to get to this job interview. £4!!!! FOUR FUCKING POUNDS for a return journey that doesn’t even hit 4 miles each way! So, here I am, feeling rotten, and having to cook something with what store cupboard ingredients I had.

Anyway, I’m going to pre-empt the recipe with a safety warning…

DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS RECIPE IF YOU ARE READING IT NOW, AND THINKING “HEY I CAN MAKE THAT TONIGHT”… YOU CAN’T. IT WILL TAKE A FUCKING LIFETIME. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS RECIPE IF YOU HAVE A BACK CONDITION. YOU WILL SPEND A FUCKING LIFETIME HOVERING OVER THE HOB, AND THIS WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS RECIPE IF YOU ARE PREGNANT, OR PLANNING TO GET PREGNANT WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS, AS YOU WILL PROBABLY GIVE BIRTH BEFORE THE FIRST STAGE IS COMPLETE.

So with all that build up, why is it such a bastard, I hear you say. Well, I’ll explain as the recipe goes along…

Cheese and Onion Pie

Serves 4 generous portions, can feed about 8 though if you want

Ingredients :

  • 150g mature cheddar cheese, grated
  • 50g parmesan cheese, grated
  • 2 medium sized onions, sliced
  • 2 medium sized potatoes, sliced as fine as possible
  • Milk
  • Plain flour
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Shortcrust pastry mixture

Method :

  1. Begin to caramelise the onions. This will take a good proportion of your life. You need to cook them on the lowest possible light on your hob. For me, it’s taken 1 and a half hours.
  2. Whilst the onions are caramelising, make the shortcrust pastry as the packet suggests, but add the grated pamersan to the mix too…if you’re a clever sod, make your pastry from scratch. I’m ill, I’m taking liberties and cheating. Put the pastry in the fridge to cool down once made.
  3. Boil the potatoes in some salted water for around 8 minutes, then drain and leave to cool
  4. Once the onions have finally caramelised, add a tablespoon of flour to the onions, stir through them, and allow to cook through. Then add milk. This is one of those times when you need to guess how much to add. Just add milk, and stir until it is of a nice sauce consistency.
  5. Add the cheese to the onion and milk, and stir until molten. Then add the sliced potatoes, and gently stir into the filling mixture. Leave to cool slightly.
  6. Whilst the filling is cooling, roll out the pastry for the base of the pie, and line a pie case/tray/whatever. Prick with a fork, blind bake and blast in the oven for about 10 minutes.
  7. When removed from the oven, allow to cool slightly, and add the filling.
  8. Roll out the pastry for the lid, and place on top of the pie. Remember to make a few holes for steam to escape from the pie!! If you fancy it, and I do suggest it, give the pie an eggy wash (phrase (c)opyright “The Hairy Bikers”)
  9. Bake the pie in the oven for around 30-45 minutes, at 200 degrees Celsius/Gas Mark 6. Or until the pastry is cooked and golden.
  10. Serve it up with some Vichy carrots and savoy cabbage.

Unfortunately, I’m not that hungry today, I think I’m going to have a lot of leftover pie, so if anybody wants some pie, feel free to come round mine!!.

Right, off to finish off the cooking…

An update with some pictures, it was tasty!! Got three quarters of the pie left if anybody wants some…

3.14225% of pi

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Now, those of you who have been tolerating my irregular postings for a while will remember about 2 weeks ago, I posted a recipe for braised pork cheeks. Well. I’ve only gone and done it again, except this time, I’ve done a different variant on it… after writing up that recipe, I thought… “I bet that’d be good with a nice cider, too”. So I actually did it!

And you know what, it was nice! And this one, well… it’s a little more posh (interesting, the oxymoronic qualities of the word “posh”… nothing that claims to be “posh” is what you would consider “posh”… if you get where I’m coming from?. Like in Preston, there is a laundrette called “Posh Wosh” [sic]. I doubt there’s much “posh” about a laundrette… anyway, I digress…) So here is the recipe, for pork cheeks braised in cider…

Pork Cheeks Braised in Cider

Serves 2

Ingredients :

  • 6 pork cheeks
  • 1 large onion
  • 1 red bell pepper, sliced
  • 10 Chanetnay carrots, peeled and trimmed
  • 1 clove of garlic, minced
  • 1 bottle of dry cider
  • Plain Flour
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Saffron

(yeah, saffron, the second most expensive product in the world, beaten only by racing horse semen,.. which I must stress, isn’t a cooking ingredient!)

Method :

  1. Slice the onion into large pieces, and sweat in a large heavy bottomed pan with some vegetable oil.
  2. Add the minced garlic, Chanetnay carrots, and red pepper, and continue to sweat for a further 5 minutes.
  3. Transfer the veg to a bowl.
  4. Mix the flour and salt and pepper, and use to give the pork cheeks a light dusting.
  5. Using the same pan, fry the pork cheeks in some fresh oil, until browned and sealed.
  6. Return the veg to the pan, and then add the cider. I used a huge bottle, so I had enough to drink afterwards, so I only had to use half of it. At this stage, I suggest you eye ball it (no, not the process of taking alcohol through the eye, I’m talking about guessing measurements, you piss head!)
  7. Take a few strands of saffron, and a pinch of salt, and grind in a mortar and pestle, and add to the pan. Also add a few pure strands if you’re feeling extravagant (I was!).
  8. Simmer for about 20 minutes, and then as before, put into an oven proof pot, and transfer to the oven at around 150 degrees Celsius/Gas Mark 4 for around 2 hours.
  9. If the cider hasn’t reduced by much, you can use a buerre manié to thicken it to a more gravy like consistency. Just remember to cook the flour out, before beginning to whisk, otherwise the gravy will have a slightly cloying texture.

It was tasty, if a huuuuge portion

I served mine in a large Yorkshire pudding, and yes. I cheated, and used an Aunt Delia’s Bessie’s Yorkshire Pudding… why? Because I’m lazy. I’ll be honest. Plus, I’m on my own, if I was cooking for company, I’d probably pull my finger out of my arse and make Yorkies myself. But fuck it. Masterchef was on!Yeah, it was good

Anyway, now I finish this blog post, kick back with a cup of coffee and a Bendick’s “Bittermint”, it’s well good. 95% cocoa solids, so lovely rich, mouth filling bitter flavour, with a hugely strong peppermint flavour filling. Good for an indulgent treat… now then, where’s my free chocolates for singing your praises, Bendick’s?

Cheerio!!

P.S. Thanks to Nairn for accepting my offer of a number for his Random Eats blog, he ended up with Sicillian-style Pesto Pasta, not a bad choice really, if I do say so myself!

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